Speaking After Dinner
by Joseph A. Tringali
Everyone hates after-dinner speeches: stories about long-winded, boring speakers are legendary. At one time or another we have all added to the collective groan that goes up from an audience when, after a long, overpriced, often-delayed dinner, the keynote speaker is introduced. Let's face it: we all believe that such suffering is part of the price we pay to attend the banquet. Sooner or later, you will be called upon to fill the role of "after-dinner speaker." By paying attention to six simple rules, you can make the experience tolerable and possibly even downright pleasant for everyone. The six basic rules for after-dinner speaking start with the letters N, O, P, Q, R, and S:
NEVER begin with an apology. Most of your audience is expecting the worst; don't rip away their last shred of hope for something better by beginning with the phrase, "Well, I'm not very good at public speaking . . ." If you do, you=ll be telling them what they already suspect, and you'll lose them before you even begin.
OVERCOME the temptation to tell a joke. Generations of amateur after-dinner speakers have been told to start with something "upbeat" and have interpreted that to mean, "Tell a joke." And, since they weren't blessed with the gift of wit, they turned to everything from "Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang" to the Internet. Don't do it! Unless you're a master raconteur, your attempt at humor will most likely fall flat on its face, making what was an already uncomfortable situation -- your speech -- into a complete embarrassment.
PREPARE your thoughts in advance. Professional speakers know what they want to say, and they make notes consisting of a few key words to help keep themselves on track. Don't write out your speech unless you're absolutely terrified of public speaking and you're sure that your mind will go completely blank when you step up to the podium. Writing out your remarks word for word will tempt you to read them that way -- and that's almost as bad as drawing a complete blank. Instead, do what the pros do: take time well in advance to think about what you want to say. Write down one or two key words for each idea. Then stand up, thank your audience for inviting you, and tell them what's on your mind.
Be QUICK. Brevity is the soul of wit and the basis of many after-dinner compliments. Unless you're delivering the State of the Union address, there=s no reason to take more than ten minutes. Try it. Stand before a full-length mirror in a very private room and read your speech or make your intended remarks out loud. That's right, out loud. Time yourself. You'll be amazed at how long ten minutes is. Remember, the applause increases in inverse proportion to the length of the remarks.
Be RELEVANT. Internet jokes don't work for a couple of reasons. We've already discussed the first one: most people can't be funny on command, especially in front of an audience that's already thinking, "Heaven help us, here it comes!" The second reason such jokes don't work is because they're seldom relevant to the business at hand. A "Pat and Mike" story might have some chance of success if it's told with the proper inflection and timing at a Sons of Erin Marching and Chowder Society Picnic. It is guaranteed to fall flat at the Grand Inaugural Ball of the Daughters of the American Revolution.
Above all, be SINCERE. Speak from your heart, not your notes. Let your audience know how you feel. If you're talking to the A.S.P.C.A., drop the attempts at humor and instead tell how you feel about animals. Think about this: would you rather hear a speaker begin with a couple of lame Internet jokes, or hear him say, "I'm here tonight to talk to you about Toby. Toby didn't talk much. Come to think of it, Toby didn't talk at all. At least he didn't talk people talk. But he was a good listener. He was my best friend because he listened when I needed to talk. Toby was my dog."
Before going further, re-read those eight sentences. They can be summed up in two words: "Toby Listened." Would it matter if you forgot to begin the third sentence with the phrase, "Come to think of it . . .?" Try it. It doesn't change anything. In fact, it might sound better. Would you lose your audience if you didn't say, "He didn't talk people talk?" Of course not. The point is, if you had a dog when you were growing up, and you told people about him today when speaking from your heart, you could say eight sentences that would instantly captivate your listeners without reading the words from a sheet of paper.
There's a reason you were asked to address your particular audience. Something you believe in passionately also brought them to the event. Find out what that is and address it. If you're the Commodore of a yacht club, you've probably poured your heart and soul -- not to mention your blood, sweat, and money -- into your club for many years. Many of your listeners did, too. When you're asked to make a few remarks, take the opportunity to remind your members, old and new alike, about what those years were like; how you all struggled and dreamed together. Tell them how important they are to the life of the Club; about how proud you are to represent them; about how grateful you are to have some small measure in advancing their goals and achieving their dreams. Feel it. Say it. And then sit down. Sincerity, like good paint, covers many defects. A pint of it is worth a gallon of canned material any day.
-- from Yachting Customs and Courtesies
About the Author
Joseph A. Tringali is an attorney at law, consultant and author of "I Was That Baby," and "Yachting Customs and Courtesies." He was Mayor of North Palm Beach, and currently serves as a Florida Assistant Attorney General. He obtained his Juris Doctor degree from the University at Buffalo in 1970. His website is www.josephatringali.com